Insights and Thoughts

Throughout history the human race has depicted time and time again how they believe they are more, or less, worthy than the next person. This can come about because of something as simple as the life they were born into such as their race, creed or gender. Or it could be a learned experience during one’s lifetime.

Our own sense of worth is often measured by the way we are accepted, by ourselves and others. This can be impacted by early traumatic experiences, such as loss, rejection, being bullied or ridiculed. Coming into a world where we’re taught very early to conform, creates a perception ‘you’re not accepted’, simply for being different. Ironically, as adults making our mark in the big world, we’re often valued for our individuality.   This is when we can truly embrace our authentic self - our strengths and our vulnerabilities.

Our traits and behaviours often reflect our beliefs. As we dive deeper into the belief of ‘worthiness’ and its two sides of the coin, we examine some of the extreme behaviours associated with this belief.  Consider your own traits, or those around you, where do they fit on the scale?  Are you a people pleaser or are you self-centred? Do you have an inflated ego or are you full of self-doubt or self-loathing? Believe it or not, all of these extremes can stem from self-limiting beliefs associated with worthiness. 

As you will notice in the examples below there’s a balance to be struck. Not feeling worthy enough can lead to a lack of respect for yourself whereas the opposite side of the coin can lead to a lack of respect for others. Being out of balance, one way or the other, can cause similar traits to emerge.

SOME THOUGHTS YOU MAY HAVE WHICH LEAD TO THE UNDERUSE OF WORTHINESS ARE:

• Being a mother or father means putting the family first

• If I were to put myself ahead of others then I’m being selfish

• I give to others selflessly but if I were to do the same for myself then I’m being selfish

• There’s a hierarchy of respect and others deserve to be at the top of it more than I do

• Something or someone else is more worthy of my time than I am

• If I’m not receiving recognition then I’m not worthy or as good as someone else is

• The skill set I have is not recognised, appreciated or valued

• If they don’t respond to my message, or like my post, I’m being rejected

• If they don’t accept, or respond positively to my idea, I’m being rejected

• I’m misunderstood, I’m not accepted, I don’t belong

• I’ll give you the ‘shirt off my back’ even when I desperately need it

• I’m afraid if I speak my mind people won’t like me

• I’m not going to join in because my opinion won’t be accepted

• I must state my point of view or give guidance even though it may not be welcome

• I must let people know my good points or what skills I have even when they haven’t asked me

• I find it hard to receive compliments or gifts

• Others are more deserving than me

• There are others worse off than me who deserve it more than I do

• Why me? Why should I receive this good thing and not someone else?

SOME THOUGHTS YOU MAY HAVE WHICH LEAD TO THE OVERUSE OF WORTHINESS ARE:

• I deserve more than others

• I am more worthy than others

• To feel worthy I need to be recognised by others and taken one step further therefore I need to be in control of others 

• I am better than others

• I have more than others therefore I am better than others

• The world revolves around me

• I know more than others therefore they must listen to me

• I must state my point of view or give guidance even though it may not be welcome