Insights and Thoughts

It’s human nature to judge ourselves and others but do we do this in a balanced way?  Do we judge one harsher than the other?

How many of us look in the mirror and are critical of what we see, yet when we see the same features on someone else it seems perfectly acceptable. 

So what’s this driven by? Is it driven by our own beliefs or are we acting on and feeling the judgement of others? Or are we projecting our self-judgement onto others, making out they feel the same way about us as we do, when in actual fact this might not be the case. 

A tell tale sign is if you constantly adjust your behaviour to meet your beliefs of what others may want from you, need you to be or expect you to do. 

Alternatively you may place yourself at the centre of attention to get validation. This might manifest itself by you feeling the need to demonstrate you can do better or be better than others which is commonly known as  ‘one uppance’.  These things are only one side of the coin. 

The other side is full of judging others. This is where you find yourself making judgement of others perhaps without knowing or understanding what’s going on for them. Consciously or subconsciously, this may be driven by jealousy or envy or even for some people arrogance, where they either don’t want to understand or even care about what’s going on. 

There may be those who judge others because they’re different.  They don’t think like them, act like them or look like them.

Let’s face it; we all judge. Using our judgement is a necessary life skill. The question is are you balanced in the way you do it? Ensuring you come from a place of understanding and compassion, before applying your judgement, is critical. If you don’t, your judgement will hinder your personal growth and impact the environment around you, thus holding you back from being the best version of yourself.  By accepting yourself and others, you will start allowing yourself the freedom for your true authentic self to shine through.

JUDGING YOURSELF CAN MEAN:

• Judging yourself to the point of holding you back

• In its extreme, projecting your self-judgement onto others making out they feel that way too (martyrdom)

• Adjusting your behaviour to meet your beliefs of what others want from you, need you to be or expect you to do

• Feeling and acting on judgement of others

• Placing yourself at the centre of attention to get validation e.g. one uppance 

• Being harsher on yourself than you are on others

• Refusing to do something for fear of being judged

SOME THOUGHTS YOU MAY HAVE WHEN JUDGING YOURSELF ARE:

• I don’t stack up, I’m not successful or good enough

• I feel ugly

• I could have done better

• If I speak up or say my truth ‘they’ won’t like me

• I hold myself to higher standards than others

• If I give it a go and make a mistake others will judge me and I’ll feel stupid

• When something goes wrong I must have caused it

  • If only I’d loved them better maybe they would’ve loved me back

  • If only I’d worked harder maybe I would’ve got that promotion etc

JUDGING OTHERS CAN MEAN:

• Criticism and taking people ‘down a peg’

• You dismiss their point of view

• Making judgement:

  • without knowing or understanding what’s going on for others

  • with arrogance (not caring or wanting to understand)

  • with jealousy or envy

SOME THOUGHTS YOU MAY HAVE WHEN JUDGING OTHTERS ARE:

• Assuming your view is the right view

• Your own view is not valid and will be laughed at etc

• Criticising others for the choices they’ve made